Enjoy.
My motto for our holy week getaway to the beach was “I’m game for anything”. If my companions Butch and Tim had listened to my usual bull, I’m sure they would have picked this up quite a number of times. Speaking of quite a number, this battle cry was put to the test during our experience with quite a number of homosexual males. Had it been the other gender of gays, I would never have come back to Manila. Anyway, it was really late into the second night of our trip when we were walking along the shore (past an array of resorts) and guess what, ***** was there, and queerer than ever too! Butch, being the film and showbiz junkie that he was, just had to have a picture. Right after, the celebrity invited us to hang for a while. We, determined to repel the lazy sea vibes, obliged just for the heck of it.
Right off the bat, we were given a shot of Cuervo by an apparent director with boob implants. I still wonder if he has endowed himself with a vagina to match. With him was the abovementioned in his usual flamboyant disposition and another more reserved queer who single-handedly affirms the Pinoy’s generally poor quality of English, all the while refusing to speak any other language and straining our ears with sub-Pacquiao grammar and occasional bursts of “I miss high school!” The deceptive “direk” gave us “last shots” after “last shots”, ironically insisting that “I don’t lie!” whenever we argued, which was after every time. All in all, we took about 5-7 each, which was fine since the steady pacing caused us not to feel much of it. Aside from this, his gay gaze and eccentric sexual aura held us helpless of doing otherwise. More on pencil pushers, ***** interviewed Tim and I chronologically, and we were rendered prisoners to his playful hands as they went about our thighs and shoulders. I was lucky enough to have my left nipple tampered with as well, and when I half-jokingly cursed and shoved his hand aside, he indignantly got my hand and rubbed it on his tit, reasoning that it was the only way to be fair. We also widened our “voGAYbulary” as he translated some phrases we gave into gay phrases. A few that I recall are “najajana kita” for I can understand what you’re saying (useful when you suspect gays to be talking about you), “chuva” which serves as a flexible substitute for almost any word (such as “chuva tayo!” for “let’s party!”), and of course the unforgettable “kakangkangin kita” which translates to I will screw you, or more gaily: I will screw your anus. I was thoroughly blessed to not have heard the latter phrase in a different context since they admitted to not having “wholesome” intentions when we had just met. In fact, ***** himself proclaimed to have been sexually attracted to yours truly as we were waving our goodbyes. Hopefully, it was just an effect of the alcohol, seeing as he swigged every shot that we turned down.
Regardless, I was genuinely happy to have met and interacted with these people. I can hardly remember encountering more eccentric personalities after more than 18 years of life, and what is life without shared experiences to enrich the self and embellish the memories? Someday down the line, I’m sure we’ll be laughing about that fateful night of April fool’s over mistresses and coffee. For now, we walk on with a lust for life, our heads held high and our asses intact.
